ENGLISH WRITING(1) - Peer Review Workshop for FAE

Post your responses to the peer review workshop sheet questions here and send them to your partner as well after you complete the task in class. These are due on Friday, May 19 at the end of the day (or Saturday, May 20 at noon at the very latest). You should use the peer review workshop questions near the bottom of the section called Film Analysis Essay on my website.

Feel free to comment on the draft as well but do not make any changes for your partner. Point out the issues but allow your partner to make the changes by himself/herself/themselves.

This exercise will be graded on a ten-point scale and will be worth 10% of the final grade in the course, so be as detailed and constructively critical as possible.

Please note that the grace period does not apply to peer review workshops or workshop essay drafts.

 

 

Film Analysis Essay Essay

 

Author’s Name_____Yang 00000______________

Your Name____Oh 000000___________

 

PEER REVIEW WORKSHOP FOR FILM ANALYSIS ESSAY

 

Please exchange papers with a partner and read his or her paper carefully. Underline the thesis and topic sentences. Honestly answer the following questions as carefully as you can: can do so holistically rather than individually.

 

 

1. Does the title arouse interest and forecast the problem to be addressed? Is it brief? clever and relevant or long, wordy, and vague? How might the author improve? the title?

 

I think the author of the essay tried to make a brief title. The title is brief, and it covers most of the theme dealt with in the essay. The transition word "or" in the title is a good choice because it contains the meaning of comparing opposite words. And the theme of comparing surviving and living is dealt with in the title. One thing I would like to mention is that one of the big themes in the essay, emotion, is omitted in the title. The author should consider putting it in the title. Other than that, the title of the essay raises curiosity toward the essay.

 

 

2. How does the introduction capture your interest, explain the film to be addressed, and suggest why the film is significant for analysis without praising it?

 

Does the writer pose a significant question to be answered in the thesis? In the beginning of the first paragraph of the essay, the author poses the question, "What is the meaning of human existence?" This penetrates the main idea of the essay. The location of the question is good. The question posed in the essay and the main idea are very interesting because I never thought of them when I watched the movie before. The author of the essay offered a new way of interpreting the movie. Also, I thought the movie was for kids, and I never thought that the movie could convey such deep and profound ideas. The author of the essay compared readers to the characters in the film, which raises their alertness. I think this is a good strategy to draw the attention of the readers. In the first paragraph of the essay, the author used the term "mechanization", and I think the term is somewhat irrelevant to the main idea and the theme.

 

 

3. Does the introduction conclude with the writer’s thesis? Is the thesis surprising? Does the thesis cover what the writer takes to be the theme of the film? Do you consider the thesis to be contestable, i.e., worthy of defending in an essay? How Might the author improve the thesis?

 

The thesis sentence at the end of the first paragraph is clear. And the introduction paragraph in the essay clearly concludes with the thesis sentence, which is typed in bold letters. The thesis sentence is somewhat predictable based on the introduction paragraph above, but the literary terms listed in the thesis sentence raise my interest in the essay. The main idea is fully covered in the thesis sentence, as I said above. A new idea is added in the thesis sentence: emotion. As I mentioned above, the author of the essay should introduce the theme of emotion in the first introduction paragraph.

 

 

4. Look at the writer’s plot analysis. Are all the terms of the plot applied to the analysis? or just a few? Does it lead with an appropriate topic sentence? Comment in detail. on the plot below.

 

The plot summary of the film in the essay is somewhat short. Maybe it is a good idea to give more details about the plot of the film. The author of the essay stated that the film has two storylines. She also wrote that two storylines interact with each other. I think this is very interesting. I think it is good for the author to give some more information and details about the interactions between the two storylines. In the second paragraph of the essay, the author develops the term "emotion" and introduces the new term "love". This specification is very interesting. One thing I would like to mention is that robots and emotions are very irrelevant, so maybe it is good for the author to provide some more explanation about the connection between them. The author used the term "information technology", but I think this term is off-topic. The last sentence of the second paragraph is, "When life is no longer dominated by anything, no longer numb and greedy for pleasure, strong faith will overcome everything." And I think this sentence needs more explanation to help readers like me understand it better.

 

 

5. How is the essay organized? Does the writer helpfully forecast the whole place? topic sentences before particulars, use transitions, and follow the old/new contract? How might the author improve or clarify the organization and coherence of the essay?

 

The author organized the essay structure similarly to the sample essays we had read before. And I can’t see any particular problem with the structure of the essay. The author of the essay put the main idea and topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraphs. The structure of the essay involves first posing a topic sentence and then giving details to the reader in the rest of the paragraph.

 

 

6. What narrative or literary terms of interpretation does the writer employ in the essay? Is the application of symbol, irony, style, theme, and tone appropriate and compelling? How so?

 

The author of the essay dealt with plot, character, lens language (camera shooting technique), and symbol. Her explanation of the symbols is very interesting. She gave enough explanation to the readers, which is very fresh and interesting. Another thing is that she wrote about the camera angle of the film. One is close-up, the other is bird's-eye view. This is a very difficult topic, but she gave a good explanation. Also, the comparison between Axiom (meaningless life) and the Earth (meaningful life) is very interesting. I think adding more explanation (developing the idea further) about this theme may make the essay better. Finally, the author of the essay focused on the silent part of the film. This is a very fresh approach.

 

 

7. Is the author of the essay consistently being analytical, or is the author lapsing into evaluation at times?

 

Point out any areas that might be problematic in that regard. The author maximized the analysis and minimized simple plot explanations. Finding such a problem in the essay is like trying to find a needle in a desert.

 

 

8. Where do you find the analysis and interpretation unconvincing or superficial?

 

I think it is good to mention what Eve symbolizes. Other than that, I can’t see any problems with this essay. As I mentioned before, the connection between emotion and robots is weak, so maybe you can strengthen the connection between them.

 

 

9. Summarize the essay's strengths and weaknesses. Essay Strengths Essay Weaknesses

 

Above all the strengths in the essay, the most prominent strength is that the ending is very clear. Also, the essay presents the conclusion, direction, solution, and purpose clearly. I think this is very preferable.

 

 

10. General suggestions for revision.

 

Keep up the good work!